Author: London Sperm Bank
Hello. I'm not one for engaging in more work than I have to, so I put this blog off for as long as I possibly could. Although optional, in spite of myself I felt duty-bound to write something because the truth is told, donating sperm at the LSB has been one of the most enjoyable, ego-boosting, bizarre (in a good way) and hopefully worth-while things that I have done. And I'm proud to share that with the world.
As I write this, my last donation is already a week or two behind me. It was an emotional affair. Toyin and Natalie were just on their way out to Sainsbury's as I was coming down the stairs. "Oh hi!" they said, "we're just on our way out to Sainsbury's." I was dismayed. Not having Toyin or Natalie there for my last donation would be like not having your friends and family there to wave you goodbye as you prepare to launch into space! (by "there" I don't mean actually in the room with me, obviously). Trying to stop my bottom lip from quivering I replied, "Oh right... You know this is my last donation right?" The appreciation of what that meant was immediately apparent to them both, and they assured me that they would be very quick in procuring lunch and would make it back in time to say goodbye to me. That genuinely meant a lot to me, and I beamed. "Do you want anything from the shop?" Natalie asked me. "A Snickers maybe?" I replied meekly.
Toyin and Natalie and Amber (who I didn't see as much but who is also lovely) and the rest of the LSB staff (you know who you are) are all brilliant! They are affable, interesting, helpful, warm, generous (my Snickers is a testament to that) well-informed professionals, and it is to them that I dedicate this blog. Do watch out for Toyin though, for as well as being all those things she is also bonkers.
My story is one of metamorphosis. When I entertained the idea of becoming a donor, after spying an advert for the London Sperm Bank on the tube, my motivation for wanting to get involved was at first puerile, then selfish. But as I began to understand more about how much of an impact my donations might have on people's lives, the puerility dropped away. In its place there slowly grew a belief that I was doing something worthwhile. Something that could be of benefit to a stranger and help make their dream of bringing a life into this world a reality. It was and remained a warm, fuzzy feeling. I did for a while wrestling with thoughts and feelings that I was recklessly helping to bring more lives into this already over-populated world (yes, I am one of those people) but then I asked myself how many unwanted pregnancies and births there are in this country alone, every year, every month, every day. All the children created as a result of sperm donation are wanted, perhaps desperately, and will be loved, no doubt madly. What more is there to say?
On top of that, you get paid to do something that I've been doing for pleasure and at will for the past nineteen years or thereabouts. And it's also a massive ego-booster: I got told after my "interview donation" that only one in ten guys have what it takes to make the grade... Read this blog and weep boys. What else... it's incredibly educational and informative. For example, it wasn't until joining the program that I learned that the sperm you are producing at any given time is the result of whatever you were doing three months ago. Wow. And, best of all, at least for me, you get to pass on and ensure the survival of your genes. Without even having to take anyone out on a date! But seriously, I know that everyone's situation is different and that people's motivations for wanting to donate will be different too, but for me, that has probably been the biggest and best thing about it all. I'm 29 now and I'd love to have children of my someday, but in lots of ways, that possibility has never seemed more improbable. To know that in all likelihood my sperm will be used to create a human being that is 50% me (on a purely genetic level) is simply unbelievable and incredible. I can't describe how happy it makes me feel. Selfish but there you go. It would be cool to meet some of these people that I've helped make someday...
So as you can see, from where I'm sitting it's all win-win-win. Now that it's over, there is a void. I was a donor for almost a year, and in that year the LSB, its staff and the act of donating itself became part of the fabric of my life. It is nice to be able to masturbate whenever I want, with better porn, in less clinical surroundings but I will miss it all. As I say, the people who work there are awesome. You get to masturbate. You get remuneration. You get to help create life. You get to help people. And when it's all done, you get a Snickers.
Thank you, and good night.